I'm YOUR Private Dancer

I am so Glad this World is Meant only for Passing Through
But Oh the Journey We Take that Shape Our Lives By The Things We Do
Living would be much Easier if We Allow the Bible to be Our Guide
But Instead of that Narrow Road, I Chose the Road that's much Wide.

My Message To Everyone This Book Reaches
Your Life Can be Re-Built by Broken Pieces
Looking Back over My Journey, I've much to despair
I knew it was all my fault, it just seemed Life just wasn’t Fair

Everyday Circumstances were Spinning out of Control
My Life was in Pieces, only God could make Whole
I did not blame others for the Sadness in My Life
I understood not taking Responsibility only added to the Strife

So what if my family can’t deal with my lifestyle
I am an adult, making money, supporting my child
If stopping what I’m doing pleases My Family
Then they need to Be prepared to support me Financially

Until then I will continue to make the Men Holler
As I dance out my clothes to Make the All Mighty Dollar
But Sin was overtaking My soul as I Continued to do wrong Knowingly
Then I would lie awake at night, questioning God, why Me?

I tried doing things My Way to patch my Wounds but My shattered pieces Doubled
Instead of running closer to Christ, I continued to self-inflict More Trouble
Illicit Relationships and Controlled Substances only yielded momentary Peace
Nothing but Pain did I gain, my Heart knew such foolishness had to Cease

More and more each day, I began to get on my knees and Pray
Changes in My Life Occurred the More I got into his Word
The More I did things his Way, No longer did My Morals Sway

Not understanding was my Crime that He was with Me all the Time
And By His Grace, I have another Chance, Now in My Spiritual Walk, I Do a Priase Dance!

The Lord revealed to me why I endured My Life Situation
What was puzzling to Me, For him was no Complication
Not only Did I Survive but I Abundantly Thrived
Now Living in Harmony having been Shaped for his Testimony
Giving Him all the Praise for all his Awesome Glory
I can now Help Someone else by Sharing my Story

Don’t continue your Journey through this World as a hopeless Passenger
Take It from Me, I’m a living witness, God can turn a Mess into a Messenger

I know I've done a lot of things in my past that most people wouldn't be able to deal with. That was a long time ago. I've changed a whole bunch. God is pleased with this work that He started. I went through a lot. I take full responsiblity for my actions. I could have gone a different route but I didn't. Are you going to make me pay for those decisions forever. You say you're proud of me but your actions don't necessarily show it. You prayed to God for me to change and your prayers were answered but for some reason or another you still don't believe in me. Why can't you see just a glimpse of what God see in me.

I shared many of my dreams with you because I respect you and you shot them down so quickly. Nothing I ever come up with makes sense to you. I have supported every idea, dream and vision that you put your hands to. Your goals are posted on my personal prayer list. I have been one of your biggest cheerleaders. I believe in you, you and you. WHY NOT ME, WHATS WRONG WITH ME?

I came to you with so much excitement when I couldn't keep my secret in anymore. I told you God has called me to minister. You told me to give it a year to make sure. I had been battling with this for a couple of years already and didn't know what to do with it. I thought it was a fake dream because I've been called a lot of things and to a lot of places but never anything in this magnitude, never a calling this strong. By me not being in my word like I should and believing in myself, I allowed your response to make me doubt if it was really a vision from God or just another one of my brilliant ideas. After talking to you I cried and cried. WHY NOT ME?

I told you about a business idea I had. It was huge and different in my thinking. I saw myself as a Virtual Personal Assistant to new pastors. After all I had been doing this type of work from home helping two pastors that I know have new ministries. I came to you with the idea because I respect your business mind. You told me that you didn't think it was something that could work because pastors want a more personal touch. Two years later I open up a magazine and a young successful virtual personal assistant was being featured. So many years of abuse and being told I was crazy and would never be anything, I needed that nod of approval from you at least this once because I admire and trust you. I came to your house with an awesome idea but I left your house with doubt and tears. I cried and cried. WHY NOT ME? WHATS WRONG WITH ME?

After years of beating the pavement trying to figure out WHY NOT ME, I made a huge discovery. WHY NOT ME? Yeah, why not me? God has brought me a long way. I'm smart, have a great heart, love the word, hardworker, a visionary, a dreamer, a person after Gods own heart, a go getter, a giver, a fighter, I love hard, a person of great faith, a survivor, I understand who I am and whose I am, and I clearly understand that its not over til I win. WHY NOT ME? If you can do it certainly I can too as long as I stay in my lane and do what God has called me to do. You don't have to believe in my dreams. If God gave it to me He'll help me through it. I am an EXCEPTIONAL Woman. Thank you for saving me Lord.

VICTIM OF IDENTITY THEFT

It happened before I knew it. She stole my face, my voice, my integrity, my good name. She embarassed me and my family. She also tried to have my son taken from me. She stole 9 years of my life. She took over my life. I met her one day and she shared her plan with me for utilizing me. She assured me that her tasks wouldn't take long. She convinced me that her strategies would acutally strengthen my capacity to raise my son. I couldn't believe that I welcomed, housed, and trusted a deceiver. She led me to believe that she was in my life to save me from poverty. That really caught my attention. She wanted to hang around the clock but I made a deal with her. I didn't want her around my son so I asked her to only show up after midnight and she agreed.

You may ask me why did I trust someone that stole my life? She was that woman I wanted to be. She came across as smart, hardworking, bold, strong minded, respected, fun, attractive, and energized. She always attracted attention. Men loved her. When she spoke people listened. She didn't take no crap. She was mission driven, and she didn't accept no for an answer. She was a make it happen person. She was creative and was respected in the business community. She was sexy and was not shy about it. Her name was Brandy. She told me that she was using that name in honor of my son Brandon, because everything she was supposedly doing for me was all about him and his future. She tapped into my heart on that one. Brandy was my altered ego and she was on a mission.

I let her in because I needed help. My sons father wasn't helping us financially. I was about to lose my apartment. The refrigerator was empty and my son was hungry. The guy I was dating was balling at the time and was paying the rent but he decided to move on. I needed and wanted help.

Brandys next moves affected the rest of my life. I would never be the same.

Let the church say AMEN, AMEN Again

Todays topic is "Get Your Inheritance". Ahhhh if you remember last weeks message we touched on "How to get your Breakthrough", and next week we're starting a series about "Building Blocks of Success". I am not sure when we will discuss Domestic Violence nor HIV AIDS. We are going to keep our focus on our building fund and make sure we pack the house for Friends and Family Day. See the banner on the wall, Each One Reach One. All this month I will be fussing about you all not being consistent in your attendance and in tithing. Sister Jenkins I need you to do a ministry check and make sure we have relevant ministries that will suggest that we are building a healthy church. I know we have the mens ministry, dance ministry, SALT, women on the move for Christ, the childrens ministry, and the ministry that helps support the first family. Okay great that'll do it, we have everything in place. Are there any comments, questions, or suggestions?

Passor, in all my 20 years of going to chuch every chuch have the same ole ministries that just keep erybody busy. The womens ministry meet so Ms. Abegail can get her preach on but never is there intimate conversation addressing Domestic Violence, Obesity nor AIDS. None of the churches in this community have taken a stand and made these topics a priority and our folks are perishing. Everybody wanna be Mega but you don't take on Mega issues. Sister Joanne husband been beating her for the longest and then he come up in here deaconing. They say the church spose to be like the hospital. I don't mean to take up all the meeting time but I would jus like to see and hear real issues being addressed that meet people where they are. Most of the choir gettin beat either physically, verbally or mentally and skeered to talk about it for fear of being judged. Where is the HIV awareness and education ministry? How about a health ministry that address heart disease, obesity and the like? Or how about a ministry that celebrate women that are domestic violence survivors then teach them to help women in the same situation. Um leavin, um jus done. Every friends and family day everybody run and get their folks from other churches ain't nobody ministering to dem folks at the strip clubs. Do we have any other tools in place in this church for when those fast tail girls come besides a sheet to cover their legs? Um late for work.

IT'S MY TURN!!!

I was sittin here watching a show called "Smart Guy". I think this show is soo funny. On this particular episode the oldest brother created a band but needed a keyboard player. Lo and behold he heard his youngest brother, the smart guy, playing the keyboard and sounded pretty good. His dad advised him to add his lil brother to the band. The big brother took dads advice. The band had a performance coming up so they started to practice. During practice everyone in the band had a lead part except the little brother. The Lil brother didn't like being treated like that so he decided to take it upon himself to do a lead part during the performance. He did a great job, but he stole the show from his big brother. The Lil brother always get attention and accolades because he has a high iq and does well in everything he participate in.

As soon as I saw this I started to think about some of my own experiences in similar situations. I have 3 awesome brothers that I am so proud of and look up to. Everybody in my family love to see them coming. They are good looking, smart, love their family, have great hearts, and they each are pursuing and somewhat living their dreams. We all come from the same household, same parents, same neighborhood, same love and faith in God, but different results for me and my sisters. I ask them lots of questions, I follow much of their advice, I watch them closely and model my parenting after their wonderful wives. Some of the things that I noticed about them that I lack is that they complete what they start no matter how long it take. They don't allow the naysayers to infiltrate. They are not easily deterred nor discouraged, once they set their mind on a goal, mission, or vision you better move out the way because they are going to persist and see what the end will be, and most of the time what they place their hands on turn to gold.

I will be 40 years young in August. One of my dreams is to minister to women through a book project I started on in 2005. My goal is to have this project completed by my birthday, August 20th. I started blogging as a way to journal this 6 month journey. I know there are others out there who have put their dreams and vision on a backburner for different reasons. I am hoping that by journaling my journey you will be inspired to go after and COMPLETE your mission.